You survived
You survived the 60s and 70s. You survived a parent’s suicide. You survived AIDS, the crack epidemic, and the 2001 attacks on America. You survived two Bush administrations and a guy who got a blowjob sitting at the Resolute desk.
You survived kids and marriages that saw different degrees of success.
You survived.
But now - today - you want to turn your back on someone who survived it all right alongside you. Maybe the only human beings on Earth who can relate to the years that made you who you are. And for what? Facebook posts about the current Chief Executive?
Whether you love him or you hate him he’s gone in about four and a half years. He may yet make America great again. Or he may kick off WWIII by calling Xi Jinping “Poo Bear” at the next G20 shindig. But you’ll throw away relationships over Mark Zuckerberg’s metastasized ass magnet?
Huxley was spot on when he wrote “Blood, as all men know, than water's thicker, but water's wider, thank the Lord, than blood."
Anyone who has invested serious time in professionally guided self-examination will eventually hear something to the effect of: “Just because you’re related doesn’t mean you’re obligated to have a relationship.”
Those are important words for people who have survived trauma or abuse. You might have a genetic link to someone, that doesn’t mean you owe them your sanity or peace of mind.
Stories of kindness are in short supply right now. Everybody’s hurting. That can make it impossible to speak to your needs without feeling overly vulnerable. Shutting out someone who is truly toxic is a reasonable way to deal with an unreasonable situation. But shutting out someone who simply disagrees with your politics in this era of hyperpartisanship BECAUSE of that polarity is just plain stupid.
The truth is I wrote this for four specific people. I think one of them is an unredeemable dumpster fire who I’m content to no longer know. Two of them are interesting people I remember warmly, but who I no longer know well. One of them is very important to me and my family, but they have a bad habit of taking Mean Girls on Facebook Bullshit too seriously.
Ladies: There will soon be a time where you no longer have the luxury of reconnecting with the people who know your stories and saw you survive.
I tried to spend at least an hour a week talking with Grandma Teresi. She was my last surviving grandparent and one of the only two people in my life who had known my father as a child. She was lonely at the end because all of the people who knew her early stories were gone, reduced to names in genealogies and photocopied ghosts on websites she never visited. Yes, there were nieces and nephews, a diligent daughter, and four grandkids to keep up on…but it wasn’t the same as having a childhood friend to confirm her memories and remind her of stories she’d forgotten.
God, I miss her. She was FUNNY.
I wish I had known my other grandparents as an adult. Shoot, I wish I had known my dad as an adult. Now I have friends and a little close family to remind me of who (and sometimes WHAT) I am. I value that more than any politician, more than any social media grandstanding.
Again, Ladies: Calm your tits and seriously assess who and what truly matters to you.
Friends, I am enjoying my time off. So far, it’s been all about my wife and kids, with a little work around the house to keep it interesting. I’m having mixed results with the new diet, but I HAVE lost a little weight. A little. I’m also reading a ton of fiction and catching up on my neglected collection of crosswords.
What I’m NOT doing is, in my opinion, equally important:
No news
No social media (these posted when I uploaded them to the website)
No notifications on my phone other than calls and texts from people on my Favorite Contacts list
Some of us need this…break from the endless flow of information and opinions. I may well write a few more posts like this (and I may not) but I’m really enjoying the week to decompress. I hope you’ll find time to do the same. Turn it all off and walk your dog or hang out at the comic book store. I’ve been away for three days and I already feel better.
Stay Weird