Asking for a Friend

It was barely cute the first billion times someone some dope CTRL-V’d it onto a half-baked quip and it’s the next phase of the crystallization of Social Media as the gateway to Hell.

First we had “LOL.” Every dumbass with a failed understanding of grade school English now peppers those three little letters throughout their posts like a Tourette patient after a double espresso. If you actually laugh that much you need to see a neurologist.

Next was “Mic Drop.” For anyone who ever wildly overestimated the quality of their argument. Proof positive that winning a debate while alone in the shower is not the same thing as knowing what the hell you’re talking about.

Then came the Sam Elliot/Stranger meme. A lesser Metatron for the Holy Fool reduced to misspelled political sarcasms. Everyone who misused that meme should be dosed with psilocybin and forced to watch “The Ranch” without interruption and without the aid of direct sunlight.

Now the dregs of “Asking for a Friend.” Watching the greying horde on Facebook co-opt 2008’s Twitter snark makes me tired. It’s a B-Side “Just Sayin’” for people who don’t know why that’s stupid, too. Both phrases should be highlighted in any post in which they appear so the rest of us will know there is no original content in the adjacent paragraph.

Today is my Friday this week. I’m taking a few days to celebrate 18 years of wedded bliss with Mrs. Teresi. Starting at 6PM I will be incommunicado for 60+ hours. If you see someone using the above shorthand please understand they are in need of assistance and should be evaluated for both mental acuity and chlamydia. Repeatedly.

Finally: the latest trend shows KMJ’s Afternoon Drive as the number one English-language program in the service area. Thank you for that. It’s a weird way to make a living, and it only works when you’re a part of it. You are appreciated. Unless you’re still doing the stuff we just talked about.

Seriously, though: Thank you.